Although managers should be willing to exercise flexibility in accepting requests from staff members, there will be times when there is no choice but to refuse.

Use this tool to build out your plan for when and how you will say no to an ask from a staff member. Being strategic with a no will reduce their frustration and deepen your working relationship.

When a staff member asks for something you can't give, sometimes the right response is a short no. Other times, however, this simple no can come off as frustrating and disappointing. Investing five minutes to find out the story behind the request and exploring alternatives can be a win for you both.

The key to a “five minute no” is asking open-ended questions until you understand exactly why your staff member is making this particular request. Investing in the conversation usually gives one or more of the following benefits: 

• It clarifies the principled rationale for the "no," making it feel less arbitrary
• It reveals alternative ways to meet the underlying need

From the very start, the “five-minute no” has a very different tone. For example, take a situation where a staff member requests to transfer to another unit.

Before talking to the staff member, understand exactly what they are asking without adding any of your own thoughts. If needed, ask clarifying questions. Removing your assumptions from the conversation leads to a more productive dialogue.

Start by asking for the backstory. Instead of saying no right away, start with an open-ended question about the request, and ask follow-up questions until you understand the full story, which may include:

• Their reason for making this request now
• The benefit they hope to gain
• Alternatives they considered
• Frustrations with their current situation

Lead with an open-ended question. You can customize a talking point like, “Help me understand why you’re asking for this.”

Then, ask possible follow-up questions to better understand their situation, such as:

• “Tell me the backstory here.”
• “What about the current situation is not working for you?”
• “Walk me through how this request would change things for you.”
• “Are there other ways that I might help you get what you’re looking for?”

If no viable alternatives to their request have surfaced by the end of the conversation, you’ll have to say “no.” Take these two steps:

1. Lead with empathy by acknowledging the request and its importance to the staff member. For example, “I understand that changing your schedule will allow more flexibility for obligations outside of work."   
2. Then, say no based on an objective reason. “We have a policy that change requests are prioritized by tenure of staff. Unfortunately, this shift has already been requested by several other employees so I cannot grant the schedule change at this time."

Your conversation may give you clues about how you might meet the staff member's needs in another way. If so, avoid making concrete promises in the moment unless you are sure you can keep them.

Often, the best move is to explore options with another leader and then bring the best idea back. Alternatively, ask to revisit the request later. If you support the staff member in another way, mark your calendar to follow up promptly. Review the list below for potential starting points:

• Offer to revisit the request at a later time
• Ask a peer manager what they’ve done in similar situations
• Brainstorm alternatives with your manager, a senior leader, or HR

If you decide to explore, put a note on your calendar so you’ll get back to your staff member in a timely fashion. Even if you don’t find an alternative now, showing that you tried will likely mean something to them.