When helping becomes a habit

In her coaching work, Lotardo often sees well-meaning managers take on problems their team members could — and should — solve themselves. It's a dynamic that "creates decision-making bottlenecks, diminishes team ownership, and accelerates managerial burnout," she writes.

The root issue isn't a lack of compassion. "Many leaders today are struggling to balance the aspiration of being a supportive leader with the reality of being overwhelmed," Lotardo writes. But solving every problem that lands on your desk isn't the solution — it's the cycle.

To help managers stay accessible without becoming the default fixer, Lotardo offers five questions that shift the focus from solving to coaching.

5 questions to shift from solving to supporting

1. What have you tried?

According to Lotardo, this question signals that leaders expect some initial effort before they get involved. "This verbiage is a gentle reminder to employees that they have authority to act," she writes.

At first, the question may be met with "an awkward silence or 'Uh, nothing yet.'" But over time, teams adapt. One director Lotardo coached saw his one-on-ones shift from venting sessions to problem-solving check-ins when he began using this prompt. "Within a month, his team started showing up with partial solutions instead of raw problems," Lotardo writes.  

3. What support do you need?

The key here is to decenter you from the solution. "Support is general. It doesn't have to come from you, the leader," Lotardo writes. "It could also come from another leader, a fellow teammate, an adjacent department, or an external resource."

Encouraging employees to think more broadly "build[s] connectedness that doesn't depend on direct manager involvement," Lotardo writes. 

5. Is there anything else I should know?

Not every problem brought to your desk demands you solve it — sometimes, your team just wants to keep you informed. In these moments, a simple follow-up can reinforce communication without inviting extra work.

"Sometimes, the only reason a problem is on your desk is because your employee didn't want you to be surprised by it," Lotardo writes.

By asking this question, leaders can validate "an open line of communication while leaving the active solutioning to the teammate," Lotardo writes. Thanking them, then asking this question, "validates an open line of communication while leaving the active solutioning to the teammate." 

Together, these five questions create space — for your team to grow, and for you to lead with intention.

"Empowering your team to own their role is a gift to everyone," Lotardo writes. "Only with breathing room can you be a fully compassionate leader. Only when employees feel empowered are they able to independently drive results."