Daily Briefing

Why you need work friends (and how to make them)


Since the pandemic began, many workers have struggled to maintain social connections at work, but research suggests that workers who feel connected to their colleagues are happier and healthier. Writing for NPR's "Shots," Rhitu Chatterjee offers two tips to foster workplace friendships.

Research suggests that workplace friendships boost happiness 

During the pandemic, the line between many people's work and personal lives started to blur. Since then, trends like "quiet quitting" have risen in popularity as many try to reign in how much time and energy they invest in their careers.

"But if putting in extra grueling hours at work has lost its appeal, investing in the other humans that you work with may be worth a second look," Chatterjee writes.

According to Robert Waldinger, a professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development — one of the longest running studies on what makes humans thrive — workers who feel connected to their colleagues tend to be happier and healthier.

In Waldinger's new book, The Good Life, which he wrote with his colleague Marc Schulz, the authors share findings from the 85 years of research that tracked people from their teen years throughout the rest of their lives. In the study, they assessed factors that lead to health and wellbeing.

"The people who had the warmest connections with other people weren't just happier, they stayed healthier longer, and they lived longer," Waldinger said. "We get little hits of well-being, if you will, from all kinds of relationships, from friends, family, work colleagues."

The study found that very close relationships, including romantic partners, siblings, and friends, are critical. It also found that a range of other relationships are important.

"All of that seems to affirm our [need for] belonging," Waldinger said. "That we are seen and recognized by others, even the most casual contact."

Because people spend so much time at work, workplace connections can make a big difference. However, the lack of social connection at work has become more prevalent.

In a recent Gallup poll, researchers found that just 32% of workers are engaged in their work — a decrease from 36% in 2020. In addition, the survey found that the number of actively disengaged workers has increased since the pandemic.

Another recent Gallup poll found that only roughly 2 in 10 American workers have a "best friend at work." Among workers under 35, that figure dropped by three percentage points since 2019.

The 20% with a work best friend "were better performers on the job," Waldinger said. "They were much less likely to leave their job for another one because they had a friend at work."

The Gallup poll also found that having a close friend in the workplace has become even more important since the pandemic spurred an increase in hybrid and remote work.

2 tips to foster workplace friendships

According to Waldinger, there are two steps workers can take to foster friendships and connections in the workplace, including:

Using your 'social muscles'

To build a sense of belonging and connection with colleagues, Waldinger suggested forming habits that foster relationships. To start, he suggests taking small steps, like thinking about a colleague you have not seen in a while.

"You could send them a text, or an email, or even call them on the phone," he suggested, "and just say, 'Hi! I was thinking of you, and wanted to connect.'"

"Much more often than not, you will find that something very positive comes back," he added. "What we know with strengthening your relationships is that very tiny steps can lead to responses that will make you feel good."

If you want to make new friends at work, Waldinger suggested engaging your curiosity about your colleagues.

"So you could, for example, decide just to notice something about somebody else at work who you'd like to get to know," Waldinger said. "Notice something they're displaying on their desk that might be personal."

"One of the things we know is that when we are curious about someone in a friendly way, it's flattering and it engages people in conversation," he noted

"We know that small talk has these benefits of enhancing well-being," said Waldinger. However, this is a skill that should be practiced often.

"This is a little like a baseball game where you don't expect to hit the ball every time," he said. "But if you try this several times, you will find that much more often than not, you will get that positive response to small talk, to reaching out in some way."

Break out of your rut

For remote workers, Waldinger advised occasionally going to the office to interact with coworkers. "That experience of coming and seeing your colleagues [will] give you this little upsurge of emotion, because you realize you've been deprived of that in-person connection," he said.

According to Waldinger, individual employees should not be solely responsible for forging connections at work. Leaders can play a large part in fostering a culture of connection.

"You need leaders to say being personal with each other is valuable, it matters, and it starts at the top," he said. "When that happens, the culture can shift in a company where people tend to know each other better, and then care about each other and care about the workplace."

"And that can go a long way in creating a happier, more engaged workplace," Chatterjee writes. (Chatterjee, "Shots," NPR, 2/24)


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