Collins is a postdoctoral candidate at Harvard Business School; Dorison is a postdoctoral fellow Northwestern University's Kellogg School of Management and the Harvard Kennedy School of Government; Gino is a behavioral scientist and the Tandon Family professor of business administration at Harvard Business School; and Minson is a decision scientist and an associate professor of public policy at Harvard Kennedy School of Government.

1. Focus on what you can learn

Instead of being "ready for a fight" during a disagreement, the authors recommend approaching conflicts with a "willingness to learn," which often returns better results.

For example, in one of their studies, participants were asked how they felt about two potential conversation partners, both of whom disagreed with the participant on a "hot-button" issue. Overall, 78% of participants said they preferred the partner who wanted to learn from them rather than the one who wanted to persuade them to a certain view.

Notably, the authors write that "[t]hough this may not sound surprising, lots of people don't take this approach."

2. Don't underestimate people's interest in learning from you

Oftentimes, "people tend to misinterpret the intentions of those they disagree with," the authors write, particularly about how willing they are to learn from someone else about an issue.

In a study of 600 participants, most of them underestimated how willing their counterparts were to learn about opposing views, even though many said they themselves reported a desire to learn about different perspectives on an issue.

Only 16% of participants said they believed those who disagreed with them wanted to learn about an issue, while 42% of participants said they would want to learn from someone with whom they disagreed. This difference persisted even after participants had a 10-minute conversation with someone they disagreed with on a specific topic.

Overall, "the single most important predictor of conflict outcomes, including evaluations of one's partner and enjoyment of the interaction," was how much someone believed their partner was willing to learn from them during a disagreement, the authors write. "… [S]imply believing that the other person wanted to learn from them led participants to view their counterpart as more moral, objective, intelligent, likeable, and trustworthy."

3. Be clear about your intentions

Because another person will likely underestimate your willingness to learn from them, it is important to be clear and direct about your intentions during an argument.

For example, the authors suggest saying, "This is an important topic. I'm curious to hear what people who disagree with me think about this issue," before you present your own argument. Then, at the end of your argument, you can say, "I recognize that not everyone sees this in the same way, and I would like to better understand where other people are coming from."

In the end, "[w]e all want to be heard and understood, especially during disagreements that could have important consequences for our life at work," the authors write, and to do this, you should "focus on what you can change about your counterpart’s beliefs about you by demonstrating exactly the kind of behavior you are hoping to elicit." (Collins et al., Harvard Business Review, 5/10)

One of the most difficult aspects of leadership is effectively communicating hard decisions to your team. Writing for the Harvard Business Review, Joseph Grenny, co-founder of Crucial Learning, outlines six key principles to help leaders approach these difficult conversations responsibly, honestly, and with empathy.