Why feedback is sometimes hidden

Sometimes, people fail to deliver honest feedback directly, opting instead to mask it in routine exchanges, questions, or suggestions. This may happen for multiple reasons.

First, people who provide feedback will often hesitate to provide a direct message, especially if they have any fear of repercussions or when the culture they're operating within discourages direct feedback. People also sometimes incorrectly assume they've already provided their feedback more explicitly than they actually did.

People with critiques or suggestions may not realize they have feedback to provide, as they may be rushing between tasks, are out of touch with their actual concerns, lack the words to express their intuitions, or are only vaguely aware of the broader message that would be important to communicate, Wetzler writes.

4 strategies to detect hidden feedback

Regardless of why someone may choose not to speak candidly, when feedback remains hidden, key concerns are left unspoken, early warning signs can be missed, and valuable insights never get delivered, Wetzler writes. However, there are ways leaders can recognize hidden feedback and make sure they hear what matters.

1. Look for cues

There are a few key indicators to watch out for when someone's hiding their feedback, Wetzler writes. For example, if you are hearing repeated questions or suggestions about seemingly small details, this could mask broader, unspoken concerns about capability, readiness, or performance.

In addition, when people suddenly engage themselves or send in a proxy to engage with decisions that wouldn't typically involve them, or when they request more reviews than usual, this can indicate eroding confidence. And when people decrease their involvement or participation without an explanation, it can signal that they either don't want to engage with or have deprioritized the work, which could be an indication of growing concerns about leadership effectiveness or strategic alignment.

If you notice any of these patterns, Wetzler recommends getting curious. Figure out what's going unsaid, what concerns could be hiding beneath the surface. The sooner you can uncover the real message, the sooner you can address it.

2. Make sure others feel safe telling you the truth

People are always assessing the risk of telling you the truth, whether you know it or not, Wetzler writes, and the safer they feel, the more readily they'll share the feedback you need to hear.

One way to make people feel safer sharing candid feedback is to normalize feedback by framing it as part of your continued learning, Wetzler writes. You could say something like, "As I look ahead, I'm trying to grow my leadership, and I value your perspective. What blind spots should I be aware of that I might not be seeing?"

3. Make sure you're listening to learn

Whatever question you end up asking, whether you uncover hidden feedback is dependent on how well you listen, Wetzler writes. Specifically, you need to listen not to prove a point or defend yourself, but to learn by deeply and intentionally seeking to understand what someone is trying to convey to you.

It's possible that asking someone for feedback could catch them off guard, Wetzler writes. If they become quiet, don't be quick to fill the silence. Instead, allow them to gather their thoughts. It's also possible you may need to return to the conversation at a later time when they're ready.

Once the person starts sharing with you, don't assume the first thing they tell you is the only piece of feedback or even the most important piece of feedback they have, Wetzler writes. They may start off with an insignificant suggestion to see how you'll react. Once they start sharing, encourage them to go deeper by asking follow-up questions like, "That's interesting. Can you say more about that?"

And finally, make sure you actually understand the feedback you received before you prematurely respond, Wetzler writes. Paraphrase what you heard and check to make sure you got it right. Not only will this significantly increase the chances you'll hear the other person correctly, but it also signals to them how much you care about what they have to say.

4. Reward the person for taking a risk

Once you've heard the feedback, it's important to thank the person providing feedback for being candid and sharing their perspective, Wetzler writes. If they haven't consistently provided you with feedback in the past, it's possible they felt some sort of discomfort in speaking up, so you should acknowledge and reward their effort.

Note, expressing your appreciation for the feedback doesn't necessarily mean you agree with it or commit to taking the actions they want you to take, Wetzler writes. Instead, it just signals that you value their input and are open to learning more.

Your positive acknowledgement is also an investment in the relationship, because how you respond to their feedback has everything to do with whether they'll keep being open with you or whether any future feedback will remain hidden.

After you decide what to do with the feedback you received, follow up with the person who provided it, Wetzler writes. Share how you made sense of it and what, if anything, you intend to do about it. Ask for their reactions and if there's anything else you need to consider.

This reconnection is important if you want the person to keep being honest with you, since you're showing them it's not a waste of time for them to do so.